Soft Eyes Leadership Philosophy

Background

The idea of a leadership philosophy ‘soft-eyes’ was originally conceived during a reflection moment in Dr. John Horsman’s Foresight and Strategy intensive at Gonzaga University. The phrase came from a guided meditation exercise that uses the phrase soft-eyes in remembrance of the support group that we all can rely upon. In understanding the interconnected nature of leadership, community, and the human condition, I pondered what it would mean to lead with love as the primary discernment motivator. I found myself reminded of the moments after deep emotional catharsis and the ways my eyes felt tied, drained, sensitive, and hopeful in which I would see the beauty in the everyday world. Thus, seeing the world through soft eyes became my own driving mantra that seeks to bring about generative forces to leadership practices.

Generous Interpretation

Including ‘eyes’ in the principle phrase is intended to remind us of the ways in which we perceive the world. The ‘seeing’ that leaders do must include simultaneously their own authentic vision of reality (worldview), an empathetic understanding of the reality others bring to the dialogue, and a positive future for all to partake in. This level of ‘seeing’ requires holding the complex and ambiguous such that a generative outcome can be collaboratively created. A generous interpretation means seeing the best in others, in ourselves, and our future.

Others - Soft eyes sees the good in others and assumes the best intentions from everyone. Even nefarious deeds can be produced out of desperation or a hope to rectify another atrocity. The ability to assume the best in others a generous reading. Generous interpretations mean that when assumptions have to be made a leader will first seek to negate the need for the assumption by seeking understanding through inquiry, and in the event that making the implicit known, assumes the absence of ill-will, and the presence of a loving and compassionate ‘other’.

Ourselves - We live in a world where it is socially acceptable to be violent to ourselves so that we can be kind to others. This mindset is not generative as it simply shifts the harm from others to ourselves instead of reducing the total violence in our communities. To err is to be living and understanding that our past selves do not define our future behaviors gives us the room for grace when we act. You owe yourself the grace of your own forgiveness.

Our Future - Just as the reflective sight assumes the best intentions, so must the foresight. Soft eyes means seeing the possibilities in every situation so that we can collaboratively emerge in a better future than our current reality. Let me be clear here. The ‘soft’ in soft eyes refers to the judgments we naturally carry with ourselves and reducing the violence they have on ourselves and our communities. There is nothing ‘soft’, easy, or passive when it comes to evoking a better future. The power, passion, and strength in leadership comes from the consistency of the soft roar of a caring and diligent servant.

Listening First

There is an abundance of literature about the listening phenomenon. ‘Active listening’ which entails staying present to the contents of the message and the ability to repeat and rephrase back for understanding. ‘Empathetic listening’ which seeks to expand beyond the facade of our words to find the context and meaning in between the words. ‘Whole body listening’ proposed through servant leadership philosophy, understanding that our engagement to each other is more than just our ears, but must also involve our hearts, minds, and deeply interconnected nature. Listening first is a disposition that takes each of these listening styles and uses them whenever new stimuli is met. When a leader is introduced to a problem or a new perspective, listening allows for a capacity for inquiry and appreciation for the community in which they serve.

Beyond the literature of the importance of listening and having a listening first disposition, soft eyes asks that we listen first to everything that is around us. Listening to the rhythm of our heart beats, to the business or vapidness of society running around us, and to the signs of the field as an emergent future attempts to be brought to life. Like ‘whole body listening’, we must use more than just our ears to be in touch with what our bodies and hearts are asking for. It is a deep active presence with life that helps us find the possibilities that are asking to be born.

Ubuntu

In looking at the world though soft eyes, you recognize that the concept of ‘other’ is really just something we’re not yet familiar with. The idea that we’re all interconnected, parts of a complicated system in which impacts of one have dramatic and long-lasting effects on everyone else down the line, suggests that when we consider someone else, we’re looking at extensions of ourselves. Rather the relationships we share come a priori to our conceptions of self and identity. Accepting that our futures are equally tied together frees us to the possibilities of a collaborative and fortuitous future.

The vitriol that often plays a part in discussions (note: not dialogue) comes from a distance and separation from self. In recognizing the African phrase ‘ubuntu’ we acknowledge that we are not separate just unknowing or not yet knowing.

Love, Compassion, and Empathy

Soft eyes entertains the idea of love as the primary method for discernment. Imagine a world in which every decision, every policy, each “hot-take”, political stance, and message was fundamentally based on the idea of love and building others up. This means not only do we think the best of others, but we give them the grace and trust to do the same to us. Instead of acting as risk-adverse our actions incorporate the ideal and the greatest outcomes limited only by our imagination.

Loving discernment requires a compassion for the human condition. It requires bearing witness to the atrocities of the world and being strong enough to stand up to the direct and indirect violence to demand a communicative and ethical model. Generous interpretations help us empathize with the ‘other’, to make it known, and accept the differences to learn to love in new ways. Forgiveness is an integral aspect to a loving discernment. Forgiveness is the method in which we bridge the interpersonal and systemic chasm caused by violence, and in finding reconciliation not in retribution but in restoration, creating something new.

Embracing Vocation / Purpose

Leadership must be more than a series of tools and methods for influencing others. Without an aim, leadership is indistinguishable from other human sciences or management. Leadership, as a means of positive change, requires a transcendental purpose. So must soft eyes.

In holding the space for grace towards ourselves, others, and the future, the work is tough and draining. For many, the thought of seeing the world in a generative way is a way of knowing just how marvelous the world can be and the idea that it is not yet that way or that others cannot see the same is paralyzing. This is a challenge worth bearing and needs a purpose in order to see the world through soft eyes. Soft eyes requires vocation.

Vocation has many connotations. For some it is spiritual. Others it is the intersection between sustainability and pleasure. I simply employ the use of vocation as a transcendental purpose. Instead of the intersection of our passion, what is needed, and what will keep us alive, I ask for your to consider the transaction of all three. When we embrace our vocation, we bring to life what is yearning to be born and we declare to the world what is worth pursuing and we create a value-set that keeps us going forward.

Consider vocation as the rejuvenating force - the eye drops to your soft eyes - that allow you to continue seeing the beauty and possibilities in the world at all times. Let us not forget that our own vocation (or vocations!) implies the existence of the vocation for each of our peers and for the ‘other’ as well. When we recognize the purpose that is brought forth with each person choosing to engage we can truly start to collaborate on the emergent future. This is the nature of leadership and soft eyes.

Presence to Ourselves and our Communities

Being present and able to sense our authentic selves as well as the world around us is the crux behind soft eyes. It involves seeing clearly the beauty of what is, what will be, and what is beginning transformed from something never be again. Being present to our current state of reality means to see both what was and how it came to be, seeing what will be and why it will become, and sits at the intersection of what is, and what is currently becoming. In essence, being present and sensing means constantly being in the state of flux of change and in touch, sensitive to the needs of ourselves and our interconnections.

There is a paradoxical nature to soft eyes, leadership, and being part of a community. It requires a tolerance for the conflicting forces of being our true and authentic selves - independent from all that is ‘other’ - while recognizing that the idea of ‘other’ is nullified in community. Soft eyes does not mean sacrificing our sense of self or our own wellbeing in order to serve a greater good, because the greater good does not require the loss of one’s self at the cost of another. At the same time, we cannot tolerate the erasure of another person’s self for the very same reasons. Soft eyes includes the capacity to hold all identities together, simultaneously separate, unique, and special while also being homogeneous to come together as one community.

Conflict as a way of understanding, not violence

Conflict is a form of separation, of not understanding and a distancing of self from the ‘other’. Conflict however highlights what is different. In attempting to reconcile two opposing forces, conflict appears as violence, however with soft eyes it is possible to see conflict as a new creative force rather than a threat. Leadership with soft eyes allows for us to see the limitations of our current system - or our current ways of knowing. Conflict is a disruption to the current system, to the current way of knowing, and challenges us to see the world through a different lens. To see again in a new way is the means in which we can grow from one system and embrace what is attempting to be brought into life - a new system and way of thinking that brings us to a collaborative and brighter future.

Soft eyes see’s conflict, not violence, as a means of a new understanding. Conflict becomes an opportunity to come together, create a diversity of views, and a new previously impossible way of living.